An old, literally and figuratively, teacher I had many years back commended me for graduating with honors in grade school. Apparently, because of my consistent years of being a slacker and school fights graduating with honors was like a come from behind win. She said this is an important milestone for me and I should never forget it. Of course, I did. At that time and for many years graduating with honors wasn’t an achievement, it was a duty my parents expected from me it and it was something they do not give you a pat in the back for.
Over time I have chosen to file away in the furthest corners of my brain most of my life experiences that some people usually are proud of. Not that I am ashamed of it, it’s just that at that time I accomplished it I saw it as my duty as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a citizen, as an employee, as a mentor. Even though most acts I have done are above and beyond the “call of duty” in the norms of society I was involved with for me it is still classified as duty. On the other hand, I believe in karma. And every good or bad deed I do will come back to me one way or the other.
I never lived my life based on milestones but moments. I am certain I have a lot of milestones though that has shaped me to the person I am now. Yet when I think about the word “milestone” it conjures something extraordinary, something breathtaking in an amazing and wonderful way, something that changes a person’s life forever. Like being marked to be set apart. Like being lost then found.
Having such concept of the word “milestone” I am proud to say today is a milestone. Exactly a year ago was the first time me and B started communicating. He was holed up in a FOB in Afghanistan and I was on my first break at work when he replied to the message I sent him online. Although I was still with someone else that time he waited for me to be single again but stayed with me as an amazing friend.
Personally, I think it’s a great achievement to be with someone and still loving him with the same passion I had the very first day. I cannot deny that my track record in terms of relationships is very much tarnished by running away, boredom, and apathy after a few months. I give up easily on people I used to love and still love and would rather keep a safe distance from them rather than make myself vulnerable to pain.
I admit that the past three hundred and sixty-five days wasn’t all bliss and romance. We’ve had our feisty arguments, tears, and one too many times I wanted to throw the towel and give up. But I know from my heart that no matter how mad I am or he is, no matter how cutting my words could be, or busy he can be when all has been said and done God is the keeper of our love and we will always work things out. As days progressed to weeks then months I have been made aware of my faults, flaws, weaknesses and I work hard on evolving myself to become a better partner, friend, and lover for B. It’s not easy, especially I can be prideful. That’s why I am proud of myself and overjoyed for having a man who loves me unconditionally. But I've learned to grow vigilant - watch my words, watch my thoughts, watch my moods, watch my actions. Being careful not to be hurtful, overly sensitive, tactless, or mean. Because it's so easy to ruin something great and beautiful. It's so easy to take forgranted blessings that come our life.
The fact that he loves me, still makes me feel awe and giddy. The way he takes care of me still makes me feel cherished. The way he wants to be with me more than anyone or anything else still makes me feel important. And when my mind thinks “my Brian” still puts a smile on my lips. I know most people consider being a parent as a milestone. But for me, at this point in my life, finding the man meant to be with me forever, loving him and being loved by him is a milestone. Childbirth and parenting can come later.
