I was surfing and reading on supervolcanoes when my skype phone rang. The Colonel was ringing me. I didn’t want to talk to him. I know it’s mean... I just didn’t feel like it. I wanted to ignore the persistent ringing but a thought came into my head. What if a time will come when I can’t talk to him anymore ever, would I regret this moment? And so I answered his call.

He looked kinda serious. More serious than his usual face which is... errr... serious. And when he spoke there was sadness in his voice to tell me that my uncle just died. 

Huh. 

In my mind the memory of his visit to the Philippines with my aunt flashed. His smiling face. The way his eyes lit up and the skin at the side crinkled when he smiled at me the first time I met him. I remember smiling shyly back but also admiration welled up inside me. He had cancer and he was not moping. I would probably mope until people would kill me and not wait for my cancer to eat me. But there he was traveling to visit his people one last time. My aunt hugged me warmly and was glad I could see them. I must admit I was glad too. A part of me wanted to tell her how I find her brave. Her first husband died of cancer not too long ago. Now her second husband will be dying in a few months too then.

I don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry for your loss” sounds so empty. I guess there isn’t really anything much to say to my aunt to remove or even ease the pain she feels. I feel her loss too even if I’ve only met my uncle a few times. Thinking back I’m glad I answered the call when I can still talk to my father.

For a big guy, he’s surprisingly graceful. :D

I chatted with Mr. Lonc today. As usual I had to start with the “How do you do?” and he gave me updates on their pipes freezing at home. Ick! The perils of living in Saskatoon. 

Now I was only asking him to give me additional permissions in our internal website as I am doing a different job but quite similar to the ones I used to do except I am only required to render half the usual hours per week but with a higher pay (high five!). Whew! Anyway... He has this uncanny way of asking questions that usually make my brain seem like it’s seeping out of my ears. 

Today he asked me if I have an anti-virus installed in my computer. Erhmmm..................................... 

I can lie and get this over with. But I can tell the truth too and be snobbish. I decided to be snobbish and tell him the truth. Of course he countered it that Macs are now targeted with viruses. Involuntarily I felt my left eyebrow rise. Shure, shure. If you say so. I appeased him by telling him I will look for some anti-virus for Mac but my firewalls are good already. 

Grudgingly, I downloaded and installed Norton Anti-Virus 11.0 for Mac. Hmp! Piece of crap. I’m manually scanning my entire system now out of compliance. So far it has scanned 10,902 out of 424,117. My computer will be up all night because of this slow poke. My poor fan, my poor screen, my poor hard drive. I should have lied, it would be lesser pain.

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.

And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips. 

~the passage that was whispered into my heart some time ago

...this Chagall painting reminds me of Bella and Edward.

D: I now declare that I find snow boring.

Kitty Kat: (Confused look)

D: Well, it’s been snowing for weeks and everywhere is white or brown and mushy if it melts.

Kitty Kat: (Looks at me silently listening at my ranting)

D: I miss colors. (Sigh) I wish it would stop snowing because I miss colors now.

Kitty Kat: Well... you can go outside and paint the snow.

D: Oh... (thinks thoughtfully) you’re absolutely right!

D & Kitty Kat: (Smiles widely at each other)