Ay yay yay! I woke up thirsty after 3 hours of sleep. It was only 8 AM and I still want to sleep some more but everytime I drink too much I wake up early. Thank God I've never gotten a hangover *knock on wood*

Red horse was the drink for the night. Yes I did get a margarita on a tall glass and would have preferred that than beer but Mr. K800 is a RH drinker so why not. It was a long night of work talk, former work talk, family, business, and inevitably it came to flirting. Although he's a guy, he's a friend. But flirting is good for my ego so why not.

I think we finished off at two-ish and he was asking if he can go home with me. I smiled and said no. I was about to cross the road and abruptly stopped when he asked “Why not?“ I looked at him and said, “because...“ but I couldn't bring myself to say the obvious that he has a girlfriend, he is a friend, bringing him over will start something I'll regret in the morning. He was waiting for an answer so I tried again, “Because I want to be alone.“ I exhaled a sigh of relief and thought case over.

Then he did the unthinkable by saying “Please“. I had to stop myself from laughing. This is getting too easy and too unchallenging. Not fun. Not fun at all. I just smiled and opened the passenger door and as I was sliding down the seat he said “See you on Saturday.“ 

As I got ready to bed I thought, why aren't the men that I want be as easy as that? I guess, if they were easy, they wouldn't be challenging and worth it. Not fun. Not fun at all.

I woke up today at 4 in the morning hearing. I think I heard my phone beep. I wondered who would be sending me a message at this time. One of the reasons I love being jobless is I don't get calls and messages when I am sleeping. So who is this?!

I picked up my phone and looked at the screen. It's the 3rd Mate. Now me and 3rd Mate hadn't been really close. I tend to gravitate more towards my sisters than him. It's not that I don't like him. I do. I love him to bits and pieces but 3rd Mate... well, he's more like me. He gets into this moods which most people don't understand but I do and I know that I have to respect that space. So I become standoffish around him but he knows that I care about him alot. He knows that if he feels like eating anything I'd cook it for him and bake some too. So that's how we are. If he wants to talk to me, he would ask me to cook something for him and he would talk and I'll just listen.

So going back to this message. We don't send SMS to each other, I mean I used not to initiate sending him messages but the past weeks since he has been back to the country he has been sending me messages asking me how I am and stuff like that. I could sense that he's in trouble but I don't prod, if he wants to say something sooner or later he would. Now in this message, he's asking me to spend time with him in Manila and spend a few weeks there. This is so not 3rd Mate, so I find this message strange. It's like he's looking up to me to protect him from someone or something.

I called my sister and asked what has been happening. My sister said his ex is stalking him. The girl even went to another city where he was teaching a few days back to look for him. The girl went to each hotel and inquired if he was checked in there and didn't stop until she found him. She has been following him persistently refusing the break-up. Ahhh. I get it now. Like Old Faithful the sense of trying to protect my brother from this woman surges inside me.

I gotta pack and travel again.

I took a couple of tests today for a job I'm applying for (yes, I have finally decided to go back to work).

The first 3 tests were fairly easy but then again those tests are designed for beginners in the industry I have 4 years of experience. So it is expected of me to pass. Shame on me if I didn't.

The test facilitator asked me to take the 4th test which was Advance Technical Experience. I thought, hmmm, this shouldn't hurt after all I have technical experience. I have handled technical accounts for 3 years so I was pretty confident this test will be fast too.

It was a 75-item-choose-the-best-answer kind of test. First question: “_______ is an example of an Internet connection.“

A.) Mozilla

B.) Modem

C.) DSL

D.) none of the above

I chose D for the first question and moved on to the next 2 questions. I had to click “Next“ to go to the next set of questions. 

Question number 4 was theoretical about what possible reason could cause a printer not to be recognized by Windows Vista. I raised my left eyebrow and exhaled slowly. It suddenly dawned to me that I will fail that test. No argument. It's that reality of that situation and as I tried hard to make a “wise“ choice out of A, B, C, and D the devil in me was bitching why in the first place is this person using a Vista?!? I wouldn't have to suffer trying to make a WAG if this moron just used a Mac. As I keep on trying to answer (yeah, I won't quit) the remaining questions where it involves problems with XP and Vista the more I felt peeved.

Okay, maybe I am snotty for using a Mac. So sorry, so sad but the truth is the steps involved to troubleshoot a windows machine and even doing basic steps is so complicated when there is a simple process. I simply cannot grasp how people can embrace the complexity of that OS when life is already difficult. Computers are suppose to work for man but my personal experience with Windows is it wrapped me around it's grubby fingers.

I've switched long ago to Mac but it seems to get a job means being mired again by Windows. I think I should just start my own business...

The hardest thing today is opening my fingers to let go of Mr. Sizzle. I wanted to hold on tightly and not let him go. But I know that this is the right thing to do. The right thing. It seems for me that the right thing is always the hardest to do. My selfishness and fears keep me from letting go of my comfort zone. We had the best seven months. Where honesty and communication is rare in relationships, we used it to the fullest extent. 

I know that I will miss you, I'm missing you already. I know that I will keep you close to my heart always, I love you still. I'm not going to pin my hopes that you and I will be together again, even if I want it badly. I'll pray that God will preserve you for me.