what you have come to fear the most

I was surfing and reading on supervolcanoes when my skype phone rang. The Colonel was ringing me. I didn’t want to talk to him. I know it’s mean... I just didn’t feel like it. I wanted to ignore the persistent ringing but a thought came into my head. What if a time will come when I can’t talk to him anymore ever, would I regret this moment? And so I answered his call.

He looked kinda serious. More serious than his usual face which is... errr... serious. And when he spoke there was sadness in his voice to tell me that my uncle just died. 

Huh. 

In my mind the memory of his visit to the Philippines with my aunt flashed. His smiling face. The way his eyes lit up and the skin at the side crinkled when he smiled at me the first time I met him. I remember smiling shyly back but also admiration welled up inside me. He had cancer and he was not moping. I would probably mope until people would kill me and not wait for my cancer to eat me. But there he was traveling to visit his people one last time. My aunt hugged me warmly and was glad I could see them. I must admit I was glad too. A part of me wanted to tell her how I find her brave. Her first husband died of cancer not too long ago. Now her second husband will be dying in a few months too then.

I don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry for your loss” sounds so empty. I guess there isn’t really anything much to say to my aunt to remove or even ease the pain she feels. I feel her loss too even if I’ve only met my uncle a few times. Thinking back I’m glad I answered the call when I can still talk to my father.