the adulthood manual

I have been catching up on Kitty Kat’s blog. A nineteen year old’s blog of things she wants to say out loud but never could. Or I think, she never would. 

Most of the time she hides her emotions in a mask of apathy. Usually emotions brought on by words of the General. And while I feel her angst and helplessness I have nothing to give her but a smile as we web cam. Not even a hug or a simple gesture to hold her hand to let her know I understand. 

I understand the growing pains of growing up. The turbulent years where you want to make a difference, make your parents proud, do the right things, follow your passions, be rich, be happy, be everything and be something. Despite the yearning lies a chasm of doubt because in all honesty you don’t know how to these things. And worse, you don’t know what is it you really want

Life, it seems, is all about suddenness. Suddenly you are conceived. Suddenly you are born. Suddenly you learn how to walk and talk and run and climb and do things that parents find absurd, funny, stressful, ignorable. Suddenly you are in pre-school and have to learn how to make friends. Suddenly you are in elementary and struggle through books and teachers’ homework and making friends. It is around this time that you are suddenly aware how poor or rich your family is. And then this realization suddenly accost you with feelings of want, envy, wishful thinking, ambition. And if you have younger siblings or a middle child, competition to be the star in the family happens. And then when you are getting used to your situation, suddenly you are in high school. Suddenly you get these weird feelings of love or infatuation, rebelliousness, wanting to be recognized and be in chic or be just you. And this time around the negative emotions of hate, hurt, jealousy, pity come to you when you least expect it.

Getting used to highschool is no joke. But when you least expect it again, you graduate (or not) and the so called “adulthood” happens. And if you get lucky you get to college where a zillion of options open up to you. But no matter what at this point in your life making the wrong decision is a hell of more painful than a decade ago of your life. But the right choices are most rewarding, maybe not to you but at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter as long as everyone is at peace and your parents are not berating you. At this point the suddenness of responsibility, time management, integrity, team work, and all other skills that are pre-requisite in landing a job is more crucial than your ambitions or your own desires. Only a handful of people tend to get what they want or live the lives they wanted. 

At the point when you are getting the hang of it, old age creeps in and you find yourself wobbly in the joints and most likely incontinent and then the suddenness of death happens too. And you have nothing left. 

Sometimes I wish there is a rule book, a manual, an idiots guide to living and adulthood. If I had one I would lend it to her and make more copies for others to use. And because there isn’t any, I know that she would have to wing it on her own. Maybe my smile from million miles away brought near by our webcam would make things easier for her.