thank you.
thank you for your comfort. thank you for your silence. thank you for the words you say and write. thank you for making me laugh. thank you for, no matter how awkward, you sit quietly and wait until my tears stop falling and my sobs are quieted. thank you for never judging the time I left no matter how lost you were. thank you for not accusing me of not listening to you beg me to stay and not leave. thank you for holding my hand when we walk even at the age when people with the same age as you would find it uncool. thank you for the saying things that hurt because it is true and I needed to hear it. thank you because no matter how much I feel unloveable even the thought of you gives me joy that there is one person in this world that loves me for me...no strings attached.
i’m sorry too.
sorry for not giving you memories of a great sister. sorry for being too selfish and not caring if I cut you with my pride. sorry for not protecting you from the 3rd mate and his cruelty. sorry for not being able to discern that you were affected that Tanduay Girl was marrying so young...i thought you couldn’t grasp the implications yet of her pregnancy. sorry for putting a heavy yoke upon your shoulders and be the one to aspire the dream the General had for me and Tanduay Girl. sorry for not being able to teach you how to cook and cook really really good. sorry for shocking and confusing you the first time you saw me light my first fag and take a drag. sorry I rode a motorcycle with you and crashed it. sorry I gave you chicken pox when you were only one. sorry for not being able to have the chance to do a lot girly stuff with you like shopping for shoes, ogling at cute boys, watching movies, partying, going to the spa, going to the parlor to have hair and nails done. sorry for being away even if I was there physically. sorry for all the things I have said and not said that made you wonder if I cared for you. sorry for the things I have done and not done that made you believe that I really don’t love you. i had reasons but now they hold no meaning when I realize that I have left you scarred, beaten, broken, and cynical.
i love you.
i’ve said it many times, or maybe not enough, nevertheless, I want to tell you I love you. words will never capture the love I feel for you. the thought of you living and breathing is so much to be thankful of. from the very day I first saw you inside an incubator being wheeled by a nurse from the OR you were my anchor in the storms I went through which is why I’ve never gone down and drowned. seeing your tiny form as you slept inside that incubator I had decided that I will bleed and die first before I see you get hurt which is odd because I was only ten. and I want to tell you now that I will suffer through all hell if it is for you. because with you in my life I’ve strived to be the best me that I can be. and losing you will be losing the meaning of my existence.
kape_atbp | February 15, 2009 at 4:33 PM
thank you. i'm sorry too. i love you. that's all that needs to be said. you know how much i love you, and i hope that your life will be filled with so much love. i thank God everyday that i was born into our family, that when i came in this world i was held and hugged by people who loved me. i was blessed the moment i was born, the day i had you as my siblings and them as my parents. we're not perfect but we have love. i hope that we always will.