[1] so completely...

Dear Timothy,

It would seem silly that I am writing you this letter while we are actually chatting in messenger. I dunno but for some strange reason I felt the urge to write you a letter, or at least near a letter as I’m not writing this by hand neither will I lick a stamp to send it to you in Seattle.

I meant to give you a love letter. Where promises are suppose to be made and undying vows are to be professed. Aren’t love letters suppose to be like that... tug the heart strings and make people somewhat nostalgic. But see, I really haven’t written any love letter to any one in my life before so I think I will fail on the heart string tugging and nostalgia. Now just thinking about that is making me nervous. The same kinda nervous I feel whenever you ask me if I want you. I feel my breathe catching and my heart pounding like a little girl caught telling a very big lie. Except, I am not telling a lie. It’s the enormity of how much I want you that makes me jumpy.

My attempt to even tell you how much would fall short. I would never be able to detail how much I want you. And while I am physically attracted to you, I am equally attracted to you. The every inch of you. I am attracted to things that capture your interests, and those that enthrall your imagination, the people who have helped you become who you are, the people you’ve touched with your being, elements that challenge you as well as empower you. And the more I know you, the more I want you. It is like an unquenchable desire in my heart that only grows more each moment I discover a new aspect of you as well as stress that which I already know.

It’s strange actually, how pieces fall in their proper places when we talk and spend more time together. How we’ve both felt that being together is like breathing...so effortless and so natural, is astonishing. And while at moments we have experienced the difficulty of arguments and fights, even when we do it, it’s not something that cuts us up and wounds us. How the desire to resolve the issue, how we honestly exchange our views without so much theatrics and drama, how we even forgive or let go is amazing. You are, the singular person in my life, who is able to somehow speak to me and read me without even trying.

I do not know how long you and I will be together. But I know that even if time is not something I can be certain of, I can show and express to you how much valuable you have become to me every moment. I want you to know and accept that despite the distance, the spaces in our togetherness binds us stronger. Despite the differences in our nature, we fill each other with more wisdom and understanding and care. Despite our mutual affection for one another, we are becoming better by not tying each other down with the past and fears brought by it.

I have no promises to give. No vows to profess. I simply want to reaffirm what we both already know. So maybe this isn’t really gonna be much of a love letter. But thank you. Thank you for making this relationship different from all the others. Thank you for being a wonderful partner and lover. Thank you for being the man that you are. I give you my trust as I accept yours. I give you my loyalty as I accept yours. I give you my understanding, as I accept yours. Because how I see it is we are standing together yet not too near together as to shadow another.

~D