pushovered by a frenemy

You know how it is when someone tells you a story and you think you get it but you don’t? 

Or when someone tells you a joke and you laugh but you can’t really relate?

Hmmm or maybe you can’t really relate to what I’m saying right now... But anyway, I just had that experience when I think I had an idea what she is saying but the truth is I didn’t. 

I can’t really give her a name. Or maybe I should to make my typing easier...okay, so her name will be FRENEMY. She used to be my roomy. USED being the operative word.

The first time I got here Frenemy’s like nice and accommodating the first two weeks and then afterwards she bitched at me and said a lot of nasty and mean things about moi. I think she did not approve of my sleeping habits as she is a light sleeper but she could’ve approached me and talked to me politely and not confront me at 11:30 in the evening.

Her bitching I can handle actually but she started telling the folks here at Big Brother’s House lies about me and even getting angry at Mai for being friends with me. Oy, so highschool. I don’t really like being stabbed (who does?!?) and back stabbing is one of the things that when you do to me I chuck you out of my “friends” list and do not give a damn about you anymore. Like seriously. If you back stab me or you lie or basically just break my trust and you are not blood related then you can die or be dying and I won’t really give a shit about you. 

Now I made a promise to myself that I will not give her a gift come Christmas. And if she gave me one I wouldn’t even touch it. After all she is not the first girlfriend I had which I ditched. An former close friend who stole my boyfriend had to ask for forgiveness for two years so this won’t be so hard anymore. It’s just a matter of getting used to.

Come to think of though, that former close friend is now back as my friend. After two years I forgave her. And I suppose a part of me have changed. Even if it seems much more comfortable being angry or unconcerned about my enemies a part of me is tired of all the angst and loneliness. I have become such a weakling. Plain. Romantic.

On Christmas eve we had a party at home and of course we had secret Santa for kicks. We started giving out presents to each other too. I must admit, I was ambivalent if I should give her a gift. I had a box that did not had anyone’s name. And if I didn’t give her any, well... I’m sure she wasn’t expecting any gift or any thing from me. But when I looked from the corner of my eye at her she had this face about her looked like a little girl in front of a candy store waiting for someone to hand her a gummy bear or a tootsie roll.  She was watching while Jacq gave out her presents and she looked like she was expecting one too! I wanted to laugh wickedly but instead of laughing my mind jolted me with a decision that I will give her the one box I wrapped but didn’t put a tag on.

Sparing even myself the boring details of what happened (of course she was shocked and happy), the interesting part happened the day after while I was perched on my bed working. But the truth is I don’t really know what how to write what happened. She came into the room, sat on my bed, and started telling me that everything is okay between her and me. There was a part in her speech that made her tear up and sniffle and I had to go grab some tissue. And as the minutes drag on and she kept on saying stuff to me which my simple mind cannot grasp a part of me was telling myself that maybe this is her way to resolve our conflict without having to say “I’m sorry”. 

But I’m sort of confused if what she said was an apology or she forgave me which would be weird if it were the a latter because she started it and I that I really want to hear is she’s sorry not some sad tale about the telenovela of a life she had and I better stop thinking about it or I’d be whiney again. Just eat my cake without any prissiness. I guess.

I suppose even if love does not beget love all the time, the times that it does it’s worth it. So maybe in a few weeks from now she’ll bitch at me again but for now I’m pretty pleased the pink hoodie was an appropriate white flag...