Do you remember how it started out? You were praying for that someone who will be able to withstand your complex behavior. Most times you wondered if you’re prayer was heard or you’ve missed meeting the person because of so many screw ups you’ve done in your life. Then the dream came to you one day and you saw his face the first time, waking up brought you tears because you wanted to sleep forever just to be with him. But it gave you hope you’d see him one day and it made you realize that you had to suddenly grow up and be ready for that day when you’d be with him.
Remember the time when you opened up an account on that dating site? You weren’t the type but you thought this is the chance for you to meet him. You talked to a lot of guys and even started getting serious with someone in particular even though you knew from the start it wasn’t going to last. You told yourself you mustn’t settle just because you’re getting older and he might just have had a roadblock getting to you. You laughed and said okay. A few weeks later you saw his profile.
You stared for hours at his picture and felt your heart go triple time. You hardly get nervous but you were to a guy who doesn’t even know you existed. You wondered if he’d even care to know you and you bashed the thought that maybe he’s taken. He can’t be taken, you told yourself, because he was the man you dreamt so long ago. So despite your self-deprecation you sent a “flirt” to his online account and prayed so hard he would reply even though you already knew he would.
Do you remember the first time you talked? You were so nervous you were pacing in your room. It was funny how you walked back and forth when you’re room was only a little bigger than a closet, what was funnier was that he couldn’t even see you because you were only talking in Yahoo Messenger and the only sound coming from your computer was “blop” when he sent you a reply. You played 21 questions and as soon as you got to the difficult question you didn’t finish the game and gave the excuse that the other guy you were seeing back then wants to hang with you. Later on you tried to hook him up with your close friend but inside you wished he wouldn’t bite.
It was all cyberspace but it felt like you were betraying the other guy’s trust simply because you already knew from the beginning that this is the man you are suppose to say ‘til death do us part. Eventually the other guy gave reason enough for you to let go. You didn’t care though people laughed and somebody said it’s not a compatible match. All you knew back then was he is the one meant to be with you forever. Despite the distance you were hopeful of the day you would be together.
Do you remember the way it felt? Together you were so on fire and so in love. You’d lie in bed but didn’t sleep, hours of just talking and giggling and sharing. The passions you had for each other would make anyone blush. He tried to make you happy and kept his promises. You loved him faithfully and tried your best not to let the distance bother you. You wrote letters and sent him songs. You’d wake up wearing his old t-shirt. Calling him as often as you could even though it meant only hearing him breath while he is asleep. You told him stories and you laughed so much. The time with him was so precious that you didn’t want to rush.
Now you keep saying “We’re okay” but you know you don’t want to settle for good not great. You’ve change so much and it’s not even a plus. You’re so angry and jealous and hurtful and mean. Making him afraid of even sharing anything to you. Now when the words are said, it just seems hollow and farce. The confidence you’ve once had is now long gone and you don’t know what to do. You wonder where did that loving funny woman has gone but then you gotta realize you then and you now is one and the same. You’ve changed for the worse and you can’t bring back the memories and live in the past. But you can change for the better and then be the best rather or just let him go rather than make the person you love live in in misery.
Remember the vows that tied him to you. You may not be married but you gave a promise. Live, laugh, and love. Love yourself. And just because you love him but don’t just assume he knows. Remember the things that you used to do that made him fall in love you.
Remind yourself, remind him.
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