typecasting

A few days ago, I watched as my manager was about to get another pair of the least selling product to stock her area, and even before her gloved fingers touched it I told her not to get it explaining production is slow and I want to keep wastage to a minimum. She looked at me incredulously and in a joking manner retorted, “You control everything!” I grinned and said, “I know. If I didn’t you’d be fuming about our daily waste”. As I walked away her words still echo in my head. And instead of being angry I felt a confounded sense of validation to her statement. And this validation was met with a realization that my desire to always be in control which used to be my greatest strength has now turned against me.

In one my coaching sessions with my former mentor, he told me that I have a Type A Red (or Choleric) personality. I laughed but asked if it was wrong but felt I’m right. That itself gave proof that I am a Type A Red, a control freak, a perfectionist and worst of all it goes hand in hand with codependency... a boon to any business but a curse to any form of intimate relationship. So a few days ago I started reading on my personality type and below is an excerpt from Wikipedia alone---

Vulnerability

"Control freaks" or "perfectionists"[4] can be seen as defending themselves against inner vulnerabilities, as with the man who was "a dominating control freak because of his mistaken belief that if he wasn't in control, he would re-experience his childhood angst".[5] Such a figure will "cajole, wheedle, pressurise, get 'difficult' all the time, to get his own way. He's always behaving like a puppet-master, tying strings on other people … because he can't bear to be changed himself".[6] Similarly, a woman who 'is not grounded either in her own imagery or her own musculature … finds her identity in power over (sometimes called love of) her body, her family, her friends, her garden … Without that control, she is nobody'.[7] When such a control freak pattern is broken, 'the Controller is left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness … But feeling their pain and fear brings them back to themselves.[8]

Control freaks have been linked to codependents, in the sense that "codependency stems from a deep-rooted fear of abandonment, which leads to an excessive need to control and dominate … to control others because they fear they cannot control themselves".[9] Recovery entails recognising that being "a control freak … kept me in codependency, and pushed people away from me. To grow out of controlling, we learn to be, instead of do".[10]

In terms of personality-type theory, "the Control Freak … is very much a Type A … driven [by a] need to be in control".[11]

Type A

The theory describes a Type A individual as ambitious, aggressive, business-like, controlling, highly competitive, impatient, preoccupied with his or her status, time-conscious, and tightly-wound. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence.

In his 1996 book, Type A Behavior: Its Diagnosis and Treatment, Friedman suggests that Type A behavior is expressed in three major symptoms: free-floating hostility, which can be triggered by even minor incidents; time urgency and impatience, which causes irritation and exasperation; and a competitive drive, which causes stress and an achievement-driven mentality. The first of these symptoms is believed to be covert and therefore less observable, while the other two are more overt.[3]

Choleric

A person who is choleric is a do-er. They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were choleric. They like to be leaders and in charge of everything. They can be very manipulative.

I am citing only one source. And before anyone says I am self-diagnosing and it is unhealthy let me reassure you that it’s all good because the fact of the matter is what I’ve read I can affirm as what I do and how I act and the way I think and feel. Perhaps not all of them are real (such as being brand conscious or saying no to coupons) but I’d say nine out of ten of the information I have searched online is true. Now going back to the discussion on hand, having such a complex personality I want to give kudos to everyone who’s still my friend and moreso to  B who’s never quit on me. I mean really... I am such a spoilsport and anyone who’d be around me would feel so oppressed I’d kill me if I was in a relationship with myself.

I am self-centered and egotistical, I tend to neglect the fact other people have feelings, I am very sensitive to criticism and losing control of a situations revive the skeletons in my closet. I look rude, arrogant, and pushy. I cut off people mid sentence and tend to give ultimatums. And I don’t think I have to state it but since we’re in a ball right now I’ll mention the fact that I have intense anger issues.

Even typing my faults now makes me want to just look for the nearest hole and let the earth eat me up. I mean really! They said 15% of the population has a personality type similar to mine but my question is, how do we live with ourselves?! But being the Type A Red that I am, my motivation has shifted on how to become better. How do you not become an asshole? Since I’ve realized how much of a killjoy I am, it only galvanizes my desire to work on my behaviour first then my feelings. It means I have to learn to chill without a pill, unlearn impatience, let things slide, accept wishy-washy people, give more hugs, smile more. And those are just a few of the things I need to accomplish on a moment by moment basis.

Such hard work! The consolation is at least I realize this now before it’s too late. Personally, the idea of learning to de-stress makes me a bit stressed already. I think my unrolled yoga mat will be a permanent fixture in my room from now on.