I can see the anguish in his eyes. Something I want to save him from feeling. In his eyes I saw a man defeated, my the reality of things he thinks are irrefutable. How can one think that such is the end of all things, I wonder. Yet I wonder most, why there is a high price of importance given to it that it consumes a man's spirit, a man's hope and reduce such to feel himself a complete failure.
Of whose standards does such matter? Why is it important to him that people's affirmation must be given to him --- whether it be friends or his family? I never found the need to be loved, accepted, needed, or wanted. That for me is a subterfuge. It sets a destructive corrosive upon one's self-esteem. Why is it so important to be appreciated or accepted by society or by family even if the same people do not live our lives?
I cannot comprehend this. And I do not wish to save him from the anguish he feels. I have tried to explain to him that the only thing important is his definition of his happiness but he replied that I do not understand, they're his parents and he feels he failed. I asked who did he fail and his eyes bore all shame and said his parents. Why would that matter? He replied with a defeated voice that because they have this standard. I still cannot wrap my mind around it and replied so why would that matter? Because that is what they want, and suddenly a feeling of surrender enveloped me and I thought no matter what I do he would never understand it until he is ready. I replied quietly, why would what they want matter? And he looked at me with his sad eyes and said that he was heading to bed.
I responded by looking down at my spoon and the words of the child that spoke to Neo flashed in my mind, “There is no spoon.“
0 tried to make D happier:
Post a Comment