Weird nights and funny days! I was dreaming last Saturday night that I was thirsty. So in my dreams I would grab water and gulp it down but I would still be thirsty so I gulped Gatorade, Coke, more cold water but I was still thirsty. I woke up really thirsty and my roomy, Pi, gave me a glass of water.
Don't even try to psychoanalyze my dream, Dr. Freud, I went to bed thirsty and woke up more thirsty because summer is here. That's the rational explanation of it all.
Sunday was a big day to all my boy friends. It wasn't because of me. As a matter of fact, no amount of prodding to go to the beach or watch a movie can make them get up because their demi-god was fighting on TV. Sunday was the day Manny Pacquiao fought with Juan Manuel Marquez for the (correct me if I am wrong) WBC International Super Featherweight Champion title. Never in my entire life was I able to captivate hordes of men for an hour. And this was done by a topless man wearing boxing gloves. How was the fight? I've seen better fights. But I pout my lips because I get no love.
And since we're in the topic of no love, Mr. Gigolo (formerly Mr. Sizzle) sent me a message yesterday...
“Hey D, I miss the most sexiest girl in the Philippines :( I hope u r well and behaving. I miss ur smile and watching ur hair blow in the breeze. XOXOXOXO“
I have a feeling... I'm not sure what though. I suppose I have no feeling, actually. The little things that I used to find cute about him I take with suspicion lately. I suppose every human eye has a blind spot and we look at things only how we want it to or when we want to or how we want it to be. But when additional pieces of our life falls into places it wasn't there the first time we look our perspectives change --- whether for better of for worse --- irrevocably.
He asked me today if I was misbehaving. I said no. But he laughed and said I have this look that I am misbehaving. Doh! And as he was sharing to me about his weekend and his upcoming week my mind went to a double reverse to one particular day and stopped and played slow motion of our past and what he said. As I looked at his beautiful face smiling across the miles, a single thought froze my smile, “I don't care.“ But his eyes makes my heart go tippity tap and I sooo wanna hit him and kiss him at the same time. His question brought me back to the present and I said, “What?“
“So have you been misbehaving?“ he asked. My mind muttered, “Why do you care?“ and I can sense a pout forming but I smiled instead. And he said, “You were.“ I shook my head and smiled some more, if he gets jealous because of my smile then so be it. “Oh, you are“ he said some more. I gave it a little more effort, for old times' sake. “I wasn't doing anything nasty-nasty, if that's what you wanted to know.“
As I said these words, I realized that a part of me still see him in romantically rose colored glasses and I will wear it once in awhile for sometime until it will break or I lose it. Somehow, I know, additional pieces have fallen into place. My blind spot is slowly shifting and while I can try to protect him from the pain of my rejection, I would only protect myself from the pain of denial. I am an undercard, sparring with an equally intriguing alpha male.
I don't want to be knocked down. I want to do the knocking down. Even if he has yummy lips that I want to kiss.
0 tried to make D happier:
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